Cryptic Metaphor.

I get so depressed when people look so happy on Facebook that I have to delete them from my friends.

Whatever. I don’t know why I get that way, but if it makes me feel better, then fuck it.

The best part about playing Kingdom Hearts is because it reminds me of you every single time I play it.

Any game, any day, and song, at any time. You. I always think of you. 

I’ve had far too much to drink.

I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure I’m conscious enough of what I’m doing to know better, but it hardly matters. I’ve been drinking, and it’s taking a horrific amount of spell-check to make sure that I don’t overly-embarrass myself.

I’m so proud of you for a being a mother of three and not having given in to the impossibility of it yet. I haven’t been able to speak to you in a while and I miss us talking, but it’s about more than that. You were such a large part of my life for much longer than you probably realize that it takes an impossible amount of effort to not think of you in some shape or form every day. It goes beyond an obsession, even if it might seem that way at times. You have another man that deserves your dedication for whatever reason, but the least that I can do it respect that, so I do.

That being said, I hope you’re happy. You may have had to fake a lot of your emotions all the way back in high school for a lot of peoplel, but if that “fake” you is anything like what you made me care so much for, I can only wish for the best for you and nothing else. You deserve it. You made me the best and the worst of myself at the same time, and no one has been able to do that since those days. At times, I can hardly figure out what I actually am without comparing myself to the best of you that made me happy, and it gives the perspective that I need to make myself believe that waking up is worth it every day.

That does’t need to sit on your thoughts and bother you every day, though. I’m happy with where I am and I want you to be, too. Wake up every day and believe that, because nothing in the world should be allowed to shape you into anything less. You are not the only thought that keeps me smiling, but you are the largest.

I’m going to write tomorrow. I want to. I need to. I’m long overdue for it.